Peering Into a Dangerous Precipice

As the hail descends on this Spring evening and sit here shivering as the boiler doesn't work, life is officially... hard.

Not hard in the way that I struggle to get water everyday or battle cancer or any such like, but hard in the way that your mind struggles to maintain a calming influence. How can you see through the big black cloud, when everything else is beating down particularly hard on you?

I do fleetingly wonder if I am on the edge and peering into a dangerous precipice that I may not get out of. Certainly that would be the case if I didn't have people around me to keep me from blindly jumping, but as it happens I do, so thankfully this is not the meandering thoughts of a suicidal person - fear not!

I just wonder, what is is I'm actually good for and who will pay me to do it?
I know a lot of people don't like their jobs - I don't really suppose you're going to. I just want a job that I don't loathe, dispise and want to cry over. I want a job that I can be, if not excited over (that might be too much to ask) but to be proud of. To gain some happiness from. The only vague sense of happiness I recieved was recieving my measly payslip every month - I really don't think that's a way to survive mentally.

Don't you agree?